Ice, Ice, Baby.

I smugly watched all my neighbours this morning scraping ice from the windows of their cars. They all had their motors running, exhaust polluting the atmosphere, while they scraped. And scraped. And scraped.

All of them, to a person, have a garage. And where do they park? On the fucking road, two wheels on the pavement as is standard nowadays, causing an obstruction both on the pavement so that mothers with pushchairs have to step into the road to get around the vehicle, and to road users who have to skilfully weave in and out of the cars parked on either side of the road.

Meanwhile their garages remain full of cardboard boxes and carrier bags full of crap that they will never use but they're either too lazy or stingy to get rid of it. So they park on the pavement. Brilliant!

So, as I watched them scrapety-scraping their screens, I lifted my garage door, got into my warm car and drove straight off. Moral of the tale? - Use your garage for what it was fucking built for. Tossers!

S-L-O-W-L-Y does it...

Have you noticed the really annoying trend that seems to be the growing tendency amongst TV announcers to t-a-l-k r-e-a-l-l-y s-l-o-o-o-o-w-l-y when introducing programmes?

"Commming uup onn- Iiiiiiii-Teeeeee-Veeeeee-Twoooo, the stoooory ooof a mootherrr annnd"..... FUCK OFF!!!!

Is this so thickies can keep up, or is it just the patronizing manner of the announcers? Either way, it's bloody annoying. And while I'm at it, have you noticed how loads of actors, especially on the British soaps (not that I watch them) almost always give a deep sigh after their first sentence.

"Oh, Ricky(khaaa)"... "Shut it(khaaa)". Try to talk like that - it's impossible. If you did, people would look at you a bit strange.

On American shows, however, everybody either mumbles or whispers. Take for example the totally unfeasible but highly entertaining '24'. You can go through the whole show with almost all the dialogue being inaudible. So much so, in fact, that you don't actually know what's going on.

And while I'm on about this silly show, what's with all this two-handed holding of pistols that all the cops/robbers/FBI agents/serial killers do now? They move from corner to corner, wielding their guns at arm's length, swinging them around like they're practicing at throwing the hammer.

Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned gun-holding like they did in the early Bond films? Where they just pointed a floppily-held pistol in the general direction of their adversary... and still managed to hit them!